


Drama and fake funerals

by DangerRollins



Series: Carl finds himself [20]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:43:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8383015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerRollins/pseuds/DangerRollins
Summary: Frank has another fake funeral and Russel's sisters can't stop fighting.





	

**Author's Note:**

> HI! First of all,I'm sorry if there are any spelling errors! It took me two hours to write this and I didn't feel like re-reading it like I usually do so I'll do that tomorrow. Second,HOLY CRAP! I haven't been updating this series at all for the past two months and I am so sorry for that! I have to admit that I don't think this part is my best work at all but I was determined to update! And hopefully, I'll start updating frequently again. I just had a bit of writer's block!

Carl sighed as he pulled the door of the fridge open and looked inside. He pushed his hair back with his hand and groaned,Noticing there was nothing in the fridge except beer. He was going to close the door,But stopped himself and shrugged before pulling one out and popping the cap off. He turned around and gasped,Dropping the beer bottle on the floor before he even got the chance to take a sip.

"What the hell?!" He yelled. Chuckie smiled sheepishly and stepped to the side so that Carl could walk past him. "Sorry Uncle Carl." He muttered before looking down at the shards of glass surrounded by a puddle of the smelly drink. "Aren't you going to clean that up?" He asked. Carl rolled his eyes as he walked towards the living room. "As soon as you stop watching incest porn." He said,Now knowing what the word meant.

He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch,Grabbing the remote to turn on the TV,But before he could, The remote was snatched out of his grasp. "Get out of my room,Runt." Sammi said before flopping down on the couch. Carl glared at her,Trying to get the remote back,But she held it away from him. "This is not your room this my living room." He snapped. "My lack of a house to live in says otherwise." She stated before turning the TV on.

Carl got up and headed towards the stairs,Mumbling to himself as he did. Sammi had been here for three months and she showed no signs of leaving. He was still determined to get her out of the house,But he'd taken a break from the petty little pranks that involved thumbtacks or grizzly glue or chainsaws. He needed something that could scare her into leaving,But he needed time to figure out a plan.

He opened the bathroom door,Suddenly having the urge to piss,But quickly covered his eyes upon entering. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" He yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE?!" He asked. He heard shuffling and a few chuckles before his question was answered. "Trying to get our freak on but you're cockblocking." Kevin laughed.

Carl let out another frustrated groan and then took his fingers away from his eyes. He smirked and licked his lips as he noticed that Veronica hadn't gotten her bra on yet. "Well...I guess this isn't so bad-"

"Get out!" Veronica nearly shouted. Carl quickly left the bathroom and shut the door,Opting to just piss off the roof like he used to. As he turned around to do just that,He bumped into Fiona who sent him a harsh glare,Scaring the hell out of him. "Don't even think about it." She said before walking past him.

He sighed.

No matter where he went,He couldn't be alone. He was used to having a big family but for some reason,It'd felt so much more crowded the past two days. He just wanted to spend a couple hours by himself,But it seemed he'd never be able to do that.

Carl decided that he'd just go outside,Even though it was scorching hot,And call Russel. He hadn't talked to him in three days,And that worried him. Russel was almost always at the Gallagher household,And when he wasn't,He and Carl were holding long conversations over the phone.

He probably should've worried more about his absence on the first day that they hadn't spoken,But he figured that Russel was busy dealing with his sisters or just needed a break from the craziness that the Gallaghers brought with them everywhere they went.

He held the phone up to his ear and listened as it rang for a while. Just when he thought he'd get no answer,He heard a faint 'Hello'. "Hey babe,You good?" He asked,Smiling slightly. He was happy to be talking to his boo thang again.

"Yeah I'm fine. How are you?" Russel asked as he stretched out on his bed. Back at his house,Things were pretty crazy. His sisters were all fighting like bulls and his mom was sick,So he'd been trying to keep things running smoothly while she couldn't. He had missed talking to Carl,But he didn't have much time to himself because he was constantly refereeing.

"Yeah I'm good. I miss you. I haven't done anything wrong have I?" Carl asked. Russel chuckled as he heard the sudden panic in the Gallagher's voice. He always thought he'd done something wrong anytime they went a day or two without talking. Russel couldn't help but think it was cute.

"No it's not you it's me-"

"Oh shit are you breaking up with me?!" Carl quickly cut in. "You can't do this over the phone! We can work this out! I love you!" He shouted. Russel pulled his phone away from his ear and shook his head at himself. He probably should've chosen his words more carefully. "Carl. Hey! No no no. I'm not breaking up with you,I just meant that it's nothing you did. It's just I've been a bit busy with my family lately." 

"Oh...Okay." Carl let out a sigh of relief. "Well is everything okay with them?"

"Yeah...My mom is sick so I'm taking care of her and-" Russel cut himself off when he heard the sound of glass breaking. Soon after came the sound of yelling and a bit of thudding,Which meant that his sisters were probably in yet another fist fight. He let out a low groan before turning his attention back to his phone. "And my sisters are fucking maniacs."

"Do you need me to help with anything?" Carl asked.

"No I think..." Russel stopped himself. He hadn't seen Carl in a while and he couldn't keep handling his sisters all by himself. This was the perfect time for them to both spend time together and figure out why his sisters were fighting each other like they weren't related. "Actually yes. Can you come over? Now?" He asked.

"Sure thing. I'll be there in ten." Carl smiled.

"Okay-Hey. Do you still have that baseball bat? And those nunchucks?" Russel asked curiously. "You know I do." Carl smirked. He was proud of his weapon collection and he thought he was a master at using the nunchucks,Even though whenever he used them he ended up hitting himself in the head. "Great. Can you bring them?" Russel asked. "Sure." Carl muttered,Confused. "Thanks. One more thing,Can you maybe come shirtless?" 

Carl raised his brows. "Um...Okay." He said. "Thanks!" Russel shouted.

*********

"You're so stupid! Why would you put my nachos in the fridge? Now they're all soggy!" Carl heard Joanna yell as he stepped inside the cold house. He sighed happily,Thankful for the fact that Russel had a nice air conditioner. "Soggy nachos is better than fly covered nachos." He heard Noelle say calmly as he walked into the kitchen. "Don't you have better sense than to leave uncovered food out right in the middle of the kitchen table for bugs to get to?" She asked.

"They were only uncovered because Rachel was stealing bites of them and she thinks I didn't notice." Joanna stated through clenched teeth. Noelle glared at her before pushing past her,Causing her to almost drop her food. Luckily,Russel was there to catch the plate full of cheesy nachos. "Hi." He said,Sending a small wave to Carl. Carl waved back and sent him a large smile. "How-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence before he heard a loud bang in the other room. Russel rolled his eyes as they all ran to go see what was going on. "Let my fucking hair go you bitch!" Amanda yelled as she tried to slap Rachel. Rachel didn't listen,She yanked at Amanda's hair as hard as she could one last time before kicking her in the stomach. The two girls rolled around on the floor throwing fists at each other. Joanna cheered Amanda on as she was getting the upper hand and Russel shook his head and sighed before trying to pull the girls apart.

"Let em fight! Rachel's been a bitch to her all week!" Joanna said,Crossing her arms. "You're next you little rat!" Rachel yelled at her. Joanna turned towards Carl and looked him up and down. She smirked a little before stepping closer to him. "You know I'm single again,Right?" She winked,Bumping her hip against his. He rolled his eyes at her and playfully pushed her head to the side. 

"So,Why are you guys giving each other so much trouble lately? Russel told me it's been hectic here." He said as he shoved her out of the way so she wouldn't get hit by Amanda. She shrugged. "When all of your sisters are stupid idiots-" She started.

"Oh shut up." Noelle said as she walked into the room,Texting on her phone. "Carl,The reason we're all fighting is simple. Joanna started this all. She loves drama like...Like fish love water. She lives for it. She's been stirring the pot this whole time-"

"Thats a fucking lie." Joanna growled. "Everytime anything goes wrong you blame it all on me. It's not my fault you guys can't get along. In fact,I'm the only one in this house who is actually trying to keep the peace." 

"Are you serious? Amanda and Rachel are in a full on brawl right now and I'm willing to bet that it's because last week you told Amanda that Rachel was talking to her ex-boyfriend,Matt. Ever since then,Amanda has been snapping at everybody,Especially Rachel." Noelle stated sharply,Stepping closer to Joanna.

"I only told her that because it was true. If your own sister was going behind your back and talking to your ex-boyfriend,you'd wanna know. Since when is it wrong to care enough about your sister to tell her a thing like that? The only reason you think it's wrong that I told her,Is because you feel guilty because you know you did the exact same thing to Rachel." Joanna snapped.

Noelle's eyes widened. "Shut up you liar! I did not talk to her ex-"

"You're the liar! You've shared your crappy ass nudes with at least four of Rachel's exs." 

Carl's eyes widened as Noelle took a swing at Joanne,Hitting her right in the jaw. Joanna didn't waste any time before jumping into action. She tackled Noelle to the ground and started throwing her fists around as quickly as possible,Trying to get in as many hits as she could. Carl quickly put his hands around Joanna's waste,Trying to pull her away,But she seemed to have the strength of three thousand weights.

Russel,Now bruised from all the slaps and punches that had been thrown at him for trying to break up the fight between his other two sisters,Decided that he'd had enough. He quickly ran into the kitchen and hook his phone up to his speaker. He turned the volume all the way up and then pulled up a video of a girl screaming at the top of her lungs.

The loud noise caused everyone to stop what they were doing and look at him. 

"THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" He heard his mom yell from her room. "SORRY MOM." He yelled back before turning to look at his sisters. "I've had it up to here with you bitches fighting all the time." He whisper yelled. "This entire week you've all been driving me absolutely insane! Every two seconds you're fighting for some stupid reason! Look,I don't know what the problem is,I don't know who's talking to who's ex but I do know that if I have to break up one more fight I'm moving out of this god damn house!" 

"It's not my fault." Amanda held her hands up in defense. "Mine either." Joanna said. Joelle and Rachel nodded in agreement. It wasn't their fault either in their opinion. Russel rolled his eyes. "Well it's somebody's fault. How about this. I'm not speaking to any of you until you settle this bullshit. Come on Carl,Let's go to your house." 

"Um. Good idea. My dad is having a fake funeral. Again." Carl muttered.

**********

Mickey yanked at his tie and looked at his expensive looking watch anxiously as he waited for the Gallagher family to come out of the house. Fucking Gallaghers. They were always late to everything,Even their dad's own funeral. Or,Fake funeral. Again. Whatever.

"LET'S GO!" He yelled,Hoping they'd hear him from inside. Luckily,They all came piling out of the door almost as soon as he shouted. "Calm your nerves. There's nobody ready to see Frank in a casket more than I am and even I'm not this rowdy." Fiona said as she walked quickly down the steps. Carl chuckled a little and shoved past Debbie to reach Mickey. As soon as he got the text from Ian about the second fake funeral,He and Russel had rushed to the Gallagher house to get dressed in some nice clothes. "Second time I'm gonna see my dad looking dead. My life is cool." He grinned. Mickey rolled his eyes and shoved him into the car he'd stolen. This car had to be back in it's spot in less than an hour and this was a forty minute drive! If he got caught his ass would be rotting in a jail cell until he was 90 years old.

"Is this everyone?" He asked,Clearly annoyed as Ian crawled into the car. Debbie spoke up,Over Franny's cries as she was buckled in as well. "No. You're forgetting the most important piece of the puzzle. Frank." She said before reaching over to close the door. Mickey groaned before turning back towards the house. "FRANK! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

Frank came stumbling out of the house,Buckling his belt up as he held a beer bottle between his teeth. Once his hands were free,He grabbed it and gave Mickey the middle finger. "When will you fuckers stop rushing me to my death bed?" He questioned,Feeling offended. "Literally." He added. Mickey rubbed his face down his hands in annoyance as he opened the door to get into the car as well. "Get in the fucking car right now or we won't have to fake your death." He said before slamming the door shut.

"Why are you so grumpy? Getting to witness Frank being buried is an honor. It's a glorious occasion If you ask me." Russel said,Flipping his hair away from his eyes. Carl watched him carefully with a grin on his face before looking towards Frank when he closed the car door and started talking. "I've never done one thing to you." He grumbled as he turned to send Russel and glare. "Why are you even here?"

"Carl invited me. I needed to get away from my sisters anyway,And they practically forced me out of the door when Carl mentioned your second fake funeral to them. They told me to take pictures." He explained as he took his phone out and snapped a photo of Frank's face quickly. "This is the before shot. Can't wait for the after. So why are you faking your death again?" He asked curiously.

"Monica." He sighed. Russel frowned and furrowed his brows. "What? Isn't that your-"

"Ex-wife? Lover? Cactus in my behind? Thorn in my side? Bug in my beer? Yes. Yes she is." Frank cut him off,Pouting a little. "I need to finally get away from her. I need to change my life around. Start new. I can't do that with her around,Lingering." He explained.

"She isn't around. She's probably in New Mexico fucking around with the foreigners. Or maybe in London,Having tea with the queen of an empty ally." Ian rolled his eyes. "Frank is lonely. Nobody wants him around,He has no friends,He can't drink like he wants to and no woman on earth that doesn't have HIV wants to have sex with him. He needs Monica to come back around so he can have someone to play with." He explained to Russel.

"Yep. He wants to see how Monica will react when she finds out about his death. If everything goes as planned,She'll crawl out of whatever hole she's in and come down here to comfort us in our time of grief and then,He'll come out of the shadows and-"

"And then they'll fuck like bunnies." Ian finished off Lip's sentence. Russel nodded,Processing everything. "You guys don't like Monica. Don't want her around. Why are you helping him?" He asked curiously.

"Because my children care deeply about my happiness." Frank grinned. Carl rolled his eyes. "We're hoping Monica will convince Frank to leave with her when she finds out he isn't actually rotting." He said before opening a game on his phone. Frank glared at him. "You could do better you know." He said,Turning to Russel.

"We also love seeing Frank's lifeless body in a casket. It just feels so real." Fiona sighed,Smiling as she stared off into the distance. "In ten or twenty years,It will be." She muttered to herself before letting out a few small laughs.

"I should've pulled out and put you into a tissue." Frank hissed at her. 

"These kids constantly disrespect me. I almost die,They laugh,I get hurt or put into jail,They don't give a shit. It's like they forget that I raised them." Frank huffed. "Aw...You look so sad." Russel said. Frank nodded,frowning even more. "Hold that face." Russel commanded before lifting his camera up again.

********

Russel snapped as many pictures as his phone storage would allow him. Frank was in his surprisingly nice looking casket,Looking deader than ever,And Russel was convinced this would forever be the most exciting thing he'd get to see in his life. A real life dead person! Well,Kinda.

"Thank you for coming." Fiona nodded at some man that she didn't even know,Trying to look sad. She was having the time of her life. Sure,They could've simply located Monica and told her that Frank was dead,Instead of having an entire funeral. But where's the fun in that? 

Seeing Frank lying there,Breathing so slowly and discreetly- It made Fiona feel as if she was on top of the world. If she was willing to serve some jail time she'd kill suffocate him and then bury him for real. But she had to think about her family. What would her youngest brother,Liam,do without her?

"Can we wrap this up? We've been here for two hours." Lip muttered to her as he nodded politely to a man that was walking by. "Do we have to leave? He looks the best I've ever seen him." Fiona whined. Lip chuckled before shaking his head at her. "Do you really want him dead as much as you say you do?" He asked curiously. She side eyed him,Rasing her brows,So he continued. "I mean I'm just asking. Frank has been a shit father to us but...He's our dad. We've had a few good moments with him." He mumbled,Mostly talking to himself.

"What,You don't want him dead?" Fiona asked.

Lip shrugged. "I can't imagine life without him. I mean sure it'd be better,Less stressful and a whole lot easier. But then I'd also lack the fun and the living in the moment type of lifestyle that comes with him." 

Fiona didn't reply,So lip walked away,Yelling for everyone to pack it up and get ready to go. Fiona sighed to herself. Truthfully,Frank was the reason for 90% of the chaos that the Gallaghers had to deal with on a daily basis. Life would be a lot easier without him,True,And even though that would seem like a good thing to most,It really wasn't if you asked Fiona.

She'd grown accustomed to this wild lifestyle. She couldn't imagine it any other way. And maybe she really would miss him when he died,But she tried to push that thought away. Frank wasn't getting any younger and his obsession with ruining his liver with all his drinking would not add any time to his life span,Not to mention all the drugs he did. It was just a matter of time before he was being buried for real. Fiona sighed to herself at that thought. She could crack all the jokes in the world about it and pretend to be happy,But the truth was that when he was gone she'd miss him.

She wondered if she'd ever get the opportunity to just sit down and talk to him. Fix their relationship,Say their I'm sorry's and hug it out. She shook her head and started walking towards the door to leave. That would never happen so she might as well quit thinking about it.

**********

Carl and Russel had walked back to Russel's house together when they got back in town. Carl had decided to spend the night with his boyfriend since they weren't ready to say goodbye to each other.

When they entered the house,They were attacked by questions about the funeral and how their day was. Russel turned his nose up and walked through the group of girls to head to his room. Carl cleared his throat,Bringing their attention to him. "Russel won't be talking to any of you until you can behave like siblings instead of-" Carl looked at the smudged words on the palm of his hand. "-Absolute imbeciles. You guys have been acting like a bunch of-" He pulled his shirt sleeve up and twisted his arm so he could see them better. "-Narcissistic,Vindictive, resentful, acrimonious-" He sighed and put his arm down. "He's mad at you guys." He said. He didn't feel like reading through all the other big words that were there, and he figured they'd already gotten the point.

"For what? It's not like we did anything to him." Rachel huffed.

"You've been causing him trouble since you started fighting. If it weren't for him,You'd all be sitting in a hospital with broken arms and legs." Carl smirked. "He just wants for you guys to get along."

"Well...I think we've all got our problems solved now. Joanna was mad because she,Being the youngest,Felt left out. Rachel and Amanda...Well you heard about that drama earlier. And well,When they get rowdy so do I." Noelle mumbled sheepishly.

"Explain that to Russel." Carl smiled. "And do it quickly! Me and him plan to have a little fun tonight." He added. "Ew." The girls murmured.


End file.
